Toddler Time Out isn't about my kid.

What is the point of giving a toddler a time out?

Will it actually change their behavior?
Teach them that what they did is not okay?

Probably not.
Will it keep me from losing my shit?

Yes.

And today I need that.

People, it has been almost eighteen months since I had my child, and we are still breastfeeding.
It's good for the most part. He gets over colds faster, it's a wonderful way to comfort him when he's teething or scared or sick, and it's helping to fortify and build his little system to defend itself long after our bfing days are behind us.
But my kid is cutting molars, and he's got a cold, and I have a cold, and we are not sleeping, and he is biting me, and the chairs, and the tables, and he's having total freak outs when I stop him from doing things like shredding antique books, or taking actual bites out of the kitchen table.

Everywhere I read that this is all normal toddler development, but I am not dealing very well.

For one thing, I still haven't gotten a period since I got pregnant. Yup. Menses-free for twenty five months now.
But according to the super low bc hormone pills I am taking right now, I should be getting my monthly this week, and maybe it's all psychological, but for the last couple of months, during my would-be shark week, I've had bloating, fatigue, mood swings, and cramping.
No blood.
But everything that usually leads up to it.

This puts me in a really crap place.
I'm anxious (of course) that my body is broken.
I'm also cranky, hungry (seriously, there is not enough food in the entire house to keep me full right now), and because of teething and congestion and the magic of toddler breastfeeding, we are also not fucking sleeping either, so I am ratchet.

Is that how the kids use ratchet?

I don't know.

I feel like I started out this blog to document the highs and the lows, but I don't have time to write anything. I don't have the perspective to document the emotional roller coaster I am on.

I barely have the cognitive ability to know that if I don't put my kid in his pack n' play for ten minutes and ignore him that I stand the very real risk of throwing him out the window.*

So I do.

I put my screaming, crying, miserable child down in the pack n play, by himself, and I ignore him.
I make sure there are no toys with strings, or blocks he can stand on, or bits small enough he can choke on, and I leave him in there while I go the fuck away.
Sometimes I just go to the kitchen and make a cup of tea.
Sometimes I put on headphones, and listen to three songs.
Sometimes I go to the bathroom and I cry my stupid heart out.

Because there's still all this other stuff to do.
There are still classes to plan for, bills to pay, errands to run, meals to prepare, dogs to walk, cat boxes to clean, trash to take out, laundry to do, and everything else imaginable.
And I can't fathom any of it if I don't reset.