Pep Talk.

Dear Dad,

I forgive you for not understanding how damaging your remarks  would be to my self esteem when I was still a child.

I forgive you because you were damaged in your own way, because you ultimately loved me, because you did the best you could.

I forgive you because staying angry at you only makes me hate myself, and I don't deserve that.

I never did.

You wonder at my low self esteem, but you built it. You didn't know it, and I forgive you, but I do not forget. It is not my fault that I struggle to see worth any time I look in a mirror. It is not my fault that I catch myself treating my husband the same way I had to treat you; as though his needs matter more than my own, as though his struggle is always harder than mine, as though his mistakes must be forgiven while mine can linger and radiate shame.

Dear Mum,

I forgive you for never taking a compliment seriously.
I forgive you for chattering on about how much you hated your body in front of me, how sad you were that pregnancy had changed its shape, and that you were disappointed in it.
I forgive you for the control top panty hose you started giving me every Christmas starting when I was twelve, because I had a tummy.
I forgive you for making me and my sister silent in the face of my father's tantrums, for never making him apologize for his unkind remarks. I forgive you for holding us hostage to his needs because you made them matter more than yours...or ours.

Dear Me,

I forgive you for eating that chocolate earlier.
You did nothing wrong.

I allow you to process your stress, your emotions, your anxiety however you need to. If that means eating chocolate, that is healthier than many other ways you could stifle your feelings. Just let yourself feel the feelings as well as eat the chocolate.

Know that your worth is not eclipsed by anyone else's. Your needs are just as important as your partner's, your mother's, your father's, your son's.
Know that it is okay that you felt bad about your body. You learned to be. Know that it is okay for the process of unlearning to take a while.

Forgive yourself for holding on to those insults, those examples. You were a child, and these were the adults you loved and trusted more than anything else in the world. It is not your fault that you accepted what they told you without even realizing it.

Take back your worth, your value, your space.
You are allowed to push back when pushed.
You are not a doormat.
You are someone worth fighting for.