Loving Small

I have this half-baked theory about what is wrong with the world right now.

How loaded is that sentence?
I know, I'm a dick for even pretending I have any clue as to the predicament in which the globe and its inhabitants find themselves, but I've been developing this idea nonetheless.

I think it has to do with the internet.

WAIT! Don't run away! I'm not about to hate all over the advent of the greatest information technology in human history. I'm really not. Believe me, I'm as addicted to blogs, sites, news, social media and the rest of it as you are.

But.

I have this idea, right?

Bear with me.

Back before there were tons of online forms of validation,
we people had to invest in our neighbors.

We had to wave at the people across the street from us because they gave us smiles or scowls depending on whether or not we lent them a cup of sugar or returned the rakes we borrowed at Halloween or shared shovels during those epic blizzards in January.
This extended beyond our neighborhoods too.
We talked to people while we waited in line at the movies.
We nodded politely to strangers when we passed them on the street.
Part of this was manners. We were taught it was impolite not to do these things.
But part of it was also this odd feeling of community.
Like, if we walked down the street in our hometown, the odds were good we actually knew about 40% of the people we passed, and a nod was a way of greeting, especially if we forgot the person's name, but remembered he held the door for us last Thursday at the post office.

I want you to stop for a moment and think about the last time someone held a door for you, or you held a door for someone.
Try to remember the last time you slowed your hustle and bustle and let someone out at an intersection, or offered your letter carrier a cup of coffee because it was cold out.

Some of you might be thinking, well that's all well and good if you live in freaking Pleasantville, or American American, USA, but think about it for a second.

My theory is that the internet provides us with the validation that these small gestures used to give us.
Now, without leaving the comfort of our homes, we can read and discuss the latest daily news stories. We can share our opinions on politics, tv story arcs, books we're reading, or gossip. Not only can we share these thoughts, but we can have them evaluated by handy little buttons. We can see if twenty people agree or disagree with us. We can incite angry diatribes or touch the hearts of sensitive acquaintances.

We can feel as relevant and validated as we ever could, probably more so, without every opening our mouths or looking into the eyes of another human being.

I feel like this is fostering in us a kind of abandonment of human interaction. I mean, what good does it do anymore? In fact, I see a rise in people's reluctance to interact altogether. Many millenials admit they would rather go to the dentist than answer a phone call.
This from the same people, who will text back and forth for two hours straight.
Why?
Because there's less pressure.
There's less judgement.
You can take a minute and a half to think up a response to a text. You can delete your initial response and then come up with another more clever one.
You can represent yourself better, and then receive immediate confirmation that it was a wise choice.
You can't do that in a phone call. In a phone call, silences are awkward. Taking time to think of witty responses feels scary and too high stakes.
With the ease and safety of faceless validation found online, comes a mistrust and a fear of being put on the spot when one is live and in person.

And I will admit, it can be scary.

But rather than face these fears, people are choosing to withdraw into them further, and so we pass each other hurriedly on the street and we avert our eyes. We cut off the person trying to turn onto our street and then race to get away from them. We see someone we know in the grocery store and we hide behind the bananas because the prospect of talking to them has become too much to handle.

And here is where I think we are failing.

The reason we are so scared right now, is because we don't trust our neighbors to give a shit about us anymore.

And after this election, I don't blame that train of thought. We thought we were safe. We thought everybody was in this for each other, and then we felt betrayed.

But now, and for the next four years, rather than living in panic about the current state of the world, rather than freaking out about what is happening overseas and feeling powerless and small and insignificant, and then hiding, we need to be getting back to taking care of each other.

Our neighbors need their driveways shoveled!

That girl you see with her umbrella blown inside out, maybe she needs someone to offer her a ride. Even if she declines the offer (and she might because we live in a scary world), but the offer of the ride could be hugely comforting.

As someone who holds doors for people, I like meeting their eyes.
I like saying hello to people I run into at the store.

Sure, sometimes I'm exhausted, and I can't do the small talk thing, but I force myself to admit it rather than hide. I force myself to say, "Hey so and so, I'm not up to snuff today, the baby only let me get .7 hours of sleep last night, and I can barely see straight."
You won't get judged.
I promise.
You'll get empathy. You'll get sympathy. You'll get someone relieved that they can share how shitty they feel without feeling like it's a failure.

Let's start taking care of each other again. If everyone took care of their community, we'd be a hell of a lot better off. No ifs ands or buts. We just would be.

So love small. Love microcosmically. See the person, acknowledge the person, maybe even help the person. I promise you. It's a thousand times more validating than the nicest online comment.